Hiei in Wonderland
by BitterWarmth
Summary: Something i did out of pure boredom and randomness.  Mainly...to have fun of course


Hiei was lying on a tree on the side of whatever the city yusuke lives in is called. He heard some bushes move beneath him and grumbled as he looked down. A rabbit scampered past the tree and toward a forest. Hiei closed his eyes again to ignore the rabbit completely but then he realized the rabbit look familiar "yukina?"

He looked and saw that it was yukina! But she was wearing rabbit ears and a cotton tail! He jumped down to follow her to the forest.

He followed her to a part of the forest with a hole leading under a tree. The yukina rabbit jumped in the hole and hiei, having a stroke of worry jumped in after her.

Everything went black...

he woke up in an empty room with just a small door in it.

"great...that's the last time I care about anyone...well then again that was my sister I followed...whatever how do I get out of here?" he looked around and the only exit, which was the small door.

"Oh yea VERY funny you guys! Insult my height more why don't cha!" he started to stomp his foot waiting for yusuke or one of his annoying friends to come out and start laughing but instead he heard a voice...

"Keep it down! Dimwit" shouted a dry voice.

"Genki! is this you're doing!"

"Shut it dimwit! I'm down here and I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Hiei looked down and saw Genki's head on a doorknob! "What is this nonsense!" he yelled at the genki head. "Just drink that potion on the table and open me up!" hiei stood there but shrugged and walked to the table to drink the potion. The bottle said 'drink me' on the label so that's what he did.

He shrank

"ok now open up strange genki head" he said wanting to get out.

"You forgot the key dimwit" she responded motioning to the table again

"what! but I shrunk how am I suppose to get it!"

"not my problem now hurry up"

hiei tried to use his mad ninja type skills to reach the top but then he remembered *crash* gravity exists...

rubbing his now throbbing head he attempted it again but this time instead of hitting his head

he landed on his arm (ummmmmm ow!)

"Damn it!" he yelled getting very annoyed.

"Hey dimwit, ever think of using the chair next to the table to get up there?"

Hiei was not happy... "No that thought never crossed my mind" and he descended up the shorter chair to the table.

"Great, now what?"

Get the key over here"

hiei attempted to pick up the key but got crushed. He tried again FAIL! And again ANOTHER FAILS!

He saw a cookie that said 'eat me' so he did and was normal sized again.

"ok I just want to get out of here!" he swiped the key off the table and went to the door

"that keys to big dimwit, it won't fit plus even if it did your too big again"

hiei was now very mad, he kicked the genki door causing it to break and drank the last of the shrinking potion to go through the door.

He ran into a forest and heard the yukina rabbit ran past him, he started to run but lost her.

"HN, not again"

two figures come out of the shadows and jumped in front of hiei

"Jin and touya what are you doing here? you know what I don't really care good bye"

they blocked his path

"oh come on laddie your doing this backwards" said jin

"yes you should start a visit with a handshake and hello" said touya

"state yer name" said jin

hiei scolded "you know my name! Its hiei! Now move it I'm looking for my sister!"

"But you just got here laddie! Stay"

"want to play hide and seek or button button who's got the button?"

hiei walked past them, ignoring them

they jumped in front of him again

"if you stay long enough we may have a battle!" and they punched each other

hiei was annoyed "look as much as I would love to watch you kill each other I need to go!" and he walked past them without a second glance.

Hiei eventually came to a small cottage with a cute pink mail box "hn, what a pathetic place to live" Hiei said.

Suddenly the yukina rabbit jumped out and started yelling for someone "Suzuka! Suzuka!" she called.

"Aw where did my maid go?" asked yukina, she then spied hiei "Suzuka! There you are" she said with a smile.

"Suzuka! How dare you mistake me for that clown!" hiei yelled.

"No time to talk! Please get my ribbon" she pleaded. "It's in my room".

She pushed him in her room.

Hiei grumbled and walked around looking for a bedroom.

There was a little bedroom upstairs that had chests full of clothes and a dresser "hn! How would I know where to find this ribbon?" he yelled rummaging through the dresser. There was a bowl with cookies labeled 'eat me' and hiei scolded.

"I will not fall for that again!" he said, his stomach grumbled "shut up stomach!"

It grumbled again "grrrrrrrr FINE!" and he ate a bit of a cookie.

Suddenly he grew huge! He hardly fit in the house anymore; he could hear yukina scream outside "monster! There is a Monster!"

Hiei peered out the window and saw her run up to a man, and the man was Chu!

"Chu! Chu there is a monster in my house! See!" yukina said

"ah yea Sheila I see yer problem" he said "and I think I have just the solution, we burn the house down or..." and he saw Rinku walk by

"we get Rinku to go down and handle it!" he said "Rinku! Rinku!" he called.

Rinku turned to see Chu and yukina waving to him "oh hi guys!" he said

"can you get that monster out of my house!" yukina asked

"oh course" Rinku said and slid down the chimney.

"Oh, hey Hiei! You're the monster?" Rinku asked

"HN, just get me out of here!" hiei yelled.

"Ok just give me a second to think...um...hey! Eat one of those carrots!" Rinku said pointing.

"HN"

hiei toke a carrot and take a bite, he shrank.

"HN, I'm getting out of here!" hiei said stomping out of the house.

Next hiei saw a flower patch with Botan and Keiko in it

...

hiei turned around to go a different way.

Hiei was walking through a huge field of grass...the grass was taller than him!

He heard singing close by and hopped he could find someone who could tell him what's going on.

Sadly...he found shishi instead.

Shishi was lying on a mushroom and singing a song that hiei couldn't understand.

Hiei stood there and stomped his foot as he waits impatiently for shishi to notice he was there.

Shishi turned to look at him.

"Well this is just what this story needs, a pretty boy" hiei said

"oh shut up hiei, I'm going to cut to the quick, eat one side to grow and the other to shrink" and shishi disappeared into a puff of smoke.

"The other side of what!" hiei yelled

shishi appeared behind hiei in his imp form "the mushroom of course" and he flew off.

Hiei grabbed one side of the mushroom and then another side.

"HN, well witch side is witch?" he asked himself

he just put them in his pockets and walked away.

He came to a bunch of forks in the rood and scolded "great, just great"

then a smile appeared behind him "helloooooo hamster legs" the voice said

"kuwabara!" hiei yelled.

Kuwabara's full body appeared and he was a neko.

"that's right hamster legs, now if you want to get out of here you need to asked either the mad hatter or marsh hare"

hiei scolded "look I'm pretty sure that everyone is mad here so I'm going to go see the mad hatter" and hiei walked off

he came across a long table full of tea and goodies, sitting at the table was kumara wearing a tux and a top hat and youko.

"Oh thank koenma! Kumara! Finally someone who doesn't annoy me! Tell me where I am, what's happening and y are you wearing that ridicules outfit?"

"Oh hello hiei, well you are in wonderland and I am the mad hatter" kumara said with a smile "youko here is the marsh hair"

youko waved.

"Well how do I get home!" yelled hiei

"maybe you can ask the queen and king of hearts, but I will warn you that they are not the most pleasant people around" said youko

"I don't care just tell me where to go!"

Kumara and youko pointed east

"thank you and goodbye" hiei said walking off.

Hiei wondered and wondered for hours and began to get frustrated "stupid foxes gave me false directions!" he started to kick trees and pound the ground.

Hiei stared to miss his old home, his friends and everyone.

Kuwabara showed up again "hey hamster legs! Had enough?" he asked

"yes! Please! tell me how to get home" (and then the sky fell)

"well ill take you to the king and queen of hearts and you can ask them" kuwabara said and a gate appeared behind him "be careful unless you want to lose your head"

hiei ran lightning fast through the gate and into a maze where he saw shizuru and koenma sitting in thrones.

"So you guys are the king and queen of hearts" hiei asked

"that's right so pay your respects hiei!" yelled shizuru with a smirk.

"HN, yeah like I ever would" hiei said "just tell me how to get home!"

"You dare give that attitude to the king and queen!" Koenma yelled.

"Yes I do!" yelled hiei.

Shizuru scolded "ok then hot shot, you think you're so tough? Alright! YUKINA SUMMON THE GUARDS!"

Yukina ran out and blew a trumpet "guards!" she yelled.

The guards were yusuke and kuwabara's gang

"why am I a minor character in this story!" yelled yusuke

"oh shut up!" said shizuru "off with his head!" she yelled

the guards started to chase hiei around wonderland when the place started to flood over!

He saw kumara floating on a chair "the door is over there hiei" he said sipping some tea

hiei got to the door and realized he was too big to fit in it.

He toke out the mushroom half's and yelled "damn it! Witch on is wi-" hiei got tossed underwater and everything went black.

Hiei felt a sudden splash and heard a voice yell "hiei wake up! You have been sleeping for hours and koenma has a mission for us!"

hiei opened his eyes and saw that he was back at the tree he was sleeping in before that wacky adventure "so I was sleeping?" hiei asked

"yes hiei and I heard you yelling about a place called wonderland" kumara said

"you know what just forget it, let's go hamster legs" kuwabara said

"right" hiei agreed and got up

It was all a nightmare...just a bad dream...


End file.
